Nick Matzke posted Entry 2116 on March 15, 2006 07:47 PM.
Trackback URL: http://www.pandasthumb.org/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.fcgi/2111

…because paramount has apparently got a serious scriptwriter signed up to do Kitzmiller v. Dover: the movie.

It will be interesting to see how this turns out. I tend to think the only way to make Dover into a watchable movie would be to basically do an Inherit the Wind remake, which would require some substantial rewriting because the plaintiffs were parents, rather than the defendant being a teacher. But on the other hand, the poor teachers in Dover were pretty seriously oppressed by William Buckingham et al., so it might work.

In other news, Nova is doing a documentary on Kitzmiller v. Dover, which will apparently include some remakes of courtroom scenes.

Everyone has already decided that Tom Hanks should play Judge Jones…

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Comment #86654

Posted by Bruce Thompson GQ on March 15, 2006 8:19 PM (e)

The most important part…who plays professor Steve Steve outside the court room.

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

Comment #86659

Posted by mark on March 15, 2006 8:42 PM (e)

Ron Jeremy as Richard Thompson, Adam Sandler as Mike Behe, Joe Besser as Bill Buckingham (oops, Joe’s dead; maybe Michael Richards).

Comment #86662

Posted by Joseph O'Donnell on March 15, 2006 8:49 PM (e)

I would imagine the court scene where Behe ends up buried in scientific papers, then completely ignores the things would end up being the best part of the movie.

Comment #86666

Posted by david gehrig on March 15, 2006 9:02 PM (e)

I’d say, do the Kind Hearts and Coronets thing. Michael Richards as Behe and Fuller and Bonsell and Cunningham and Dembski (“the aptly named Sir Not Appearing In This Film”).

Comment #86670

Posted by Heathen Dan on March 15, 2006 9:05 PM (e)

How will the 139 page decision be “converted” to the big screen? They have to use some of the juicy quotes, like “breathtaking inanity.”

I nominate Jason Bateman (Arrested Development) as one of the plaintiffs’ attorneys.

Comment #86671

Posted by lhomer on March 15, 2006 9:07 PM (e)

Remember the purpose will be to make money. Paramount will not make money with a film that is unsympathetic to the ‘controversy’. I expect a DI rewrite to emerge, not a documentary.

Comment #86673

Posted by LackOfDiscipline on March 15, 2006 9:14 PM (e)

Ashton Kutcher should play Wee Willie Dembski (a fantasy I guess since I don’t think he appeared directly at the trial). I would love to see Dembski use the line “YOU’RE GONNA GET PUNKED Darwinists” in some context.

Comment #86674

Posted by Bruce Thompson GQ on March 15, 2006 9:16 PM (e)

Dembski (“the aptly named Sir Not Appearing In This Film”)

Perfect, just perfect, beer came out my nose reading that one.

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

Comment #86675

Posted by chaos_engineer on March 15, 2006 9:20 PM (e)

If they want lots of money, they should make a gimmick movie.

They could shoot two endings. One where Judge Jones delivers the verdict, and another where an angry God strikes him dead and then declares a mistrial on the basis that all the plaintiffs have also been struck dead and therefore don’t have standing.

Then the audience could vote on which ending they wanted to see. To boost ticket sales even further, the studio could announce that the votes will be tabulated and delivered to the judges of “American Idol” or somebody.

Comment #86676

Posted by steve s on March 15, 2006 9:33 PM (e)

I want to play one of these guys:

http://www.theprogram.net.au/media/features/5467.jpg

And for casting, let’s see,

Judge Jones: Morgan Freeman
Eric Rothschild: Sam Watterston
Nick Matzske: Denzel Washington
Barbara Forrest: Julia Roberts

and then for the defense, we could have

William Buckingham: Nick Nolte
Alan Bonsell: Alan Rickman
Michael Behe: that guy who played Mola Ram in Temple of Doom
Scott Minnich: Peter Stormare
John West: Doug Bradley (pinhead from the Hellraiser movies)
Richard Thompson: Saddam Hussein

Comment #86678

Posted by Keanus on March 15, 2006 9:40 PM (e)

I think Behe would be best acted by Danny Divito. He’s great a playing con men, and is bald and short to boot.

Seriously, however, while capturing the court room testimony could be riveting, I think the scenes that led up to it—the school board meetings, private tete-a-tetes among the various parties, the late night phone calls, the efforts at backtracking to cover and deny earlier statements, the arrival of Richard Thompson with his “sword and shield”, and the various efforts at dissembling after the fac t—could make for a gripping film. The decision would almost be an afterthought and might be best addressed as a scrolling conclusion. The interplay between the DI, its various “fellows”, the TMLC, Buckingham and Bonsell, the superintendent, the Browns, and the plaintiffs could be an engrossing study in human behavior.

Comment #86679

Posted by Karen on March 15, 2006 9:53 PM (e)

Is Weta going to do the cgi? William Buckingham’s nose will have to grow longer every time he lies under oath.

Comment #86684

Posted by steve s on March 15, 2006 10:27 PM (e)

you know they’ll juice it up a bit for the movies. They’ll have a flashback of Richard Thompson robbing 7-11’s in the early 80s. Behe shows up for the trial drunk and tries to touch some children inappropriately.

Comment #86703

Posted by Simon Linke on March 15, 2006 11:30 PM (e)

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Bill Dembski…A change of glasses and another oscar winning performance!

Comment #86705

Posted by minusRusty on March 15, 2006 11:32 PM (e)

I figure it would be better as a comedic pseudo-documentary. A la, Breast Men, or The Pentagon Wars.

Comment #86709

Posted by Gary Hurd on March 15, 2006 11:47 PM (e)

That would be such a good plug for Creationism’s Trojan Horse: The Wedge of Intelligent Design and Why Intelligent Design Fails: A Scientific Critique of the New Creationism

I want to play myself. Oh, I wasn’t there. Bummer.

I’ll just play by myself. ;-)

Comment #86715

Posted by speck on March 16, 2006 12:01 AM (e)

I would like to see all defense characters played by Hollywood Scientologists. That would give some wiggle room for a sequel

Comment #86734

Posted by dangaz on March 16, 2006 12:59 AM (e)

Have we learnt nothing from South Park? “Tom Hanks couldn’t act his way out of a nutsack!”

Comment #86737

Posted by Torbjorn Larsson on March 16, 2006 1:06 AM (e)

Oh no! When has Hollywood ever got the _science_ right?! I’m afraid, I’m very afraid… ;-)

Comment #86741

Posted by KC on March 16, 2006 1:18 AM (e)

I think Jack Nicholson should play Judge Jones. Just hearing him say ‘blatant inanity’ would be worth the price of admission.

Comment #86751

Posted by Occam's Aftershave on March 16, 2006 1:49 AM (e)

It’s a damn shame Don Knotts just passed away. He would have made a great Dembski.

Comment #86756

Posted by Mark Perakh on March 16, 2006 2:34 AM (e)

While it is always risky to predict future events, the past experience seems to portend a movie that will have little resemblance to what actually happened in Kitzmiller case. There are several videos and full size movies about the nonsense of the Bible code. Except for the BBC version which, although not quite truthful, is not completely biased in favor of codes, all the rest shamefully present the codes as a proven fact and almost completely ignore the critique of that fad. This is understandable: if codes are real, it is a sensational discovery, but if there are no codes, so what? So, let’s wait and see - what kind of a movie it turns out to be.

Comment #86758

Posted by Alan Fox on March 16, 2006 2:38 AM (e)

Hope you have managed to get back to some sort of normality after that disastrous fire, Professor Perakh.

Billy Redden ought to play Dembski. He was the guy with the banjo in “Deliverance”.

Comment #86763

Posted by argystokes on March 16, 2006 3:12 AM (e)

Holy crap, Alan, I nearly burst out laughing when I saw Billy Redden’s name appear (I would have, but my wife’s sleeping nearby). Billy also made a cameo in Big Fish – you guessed it, playing the banjo!

Anyway, I’d love to see Buckingham played by Gary Oldman, and Judge Jones played by William H Macy, with that disgusted look on his face throughout the entire trial.

Comment #86783

Posted by Alejandro on March 16, 2006 5:43 AM (e)

Surely there must be a scene where Pat Robertson threatens the people of Dover with the Warth of God ™. So who will play Pat?

Comment #86789

Posted by the pro from dover on March 16, 2006 6:18 AM (e)

The man who was born to play Pat Robertson is Fred Willard.

Comment #86797

Posted by Jack Krebs on March 16, 2006 7:53 AM (e)

Professor Steve Steve will play himself, of course. He;s omni-talented and virtually omni-present, so this should be no problem.

Comment #86799

Posted by Grey Wolf on March 16, 2006 7:54 AM (e)

The only “crackpot idea” film I have seen is JFK, which quite impressed me and almost made me a conspiracy theorist back when I was quite young.

As I grew up, I saw the main weakness of the film: we only get to see the conspiracy’s side! The same can be done in this film - present the sound bit arguments of the IDiots and simple do not show the great work of Science and obscure the actual ruling like they did in JFK so you think it was some devious plot of the government for keeping the truth from getting out.

After all, if you get told that “Science can’t explain the [insert IC thing here]” without the follow up “Here is the pile of papers that explains it - have you read them?” you will come out thinking that it was indeed a nefarious plot.

I agree with Mark - a film can easily be turned into an IDiot propaganda piece, even if they badly lost in the Real Life.

Hope that helps,

Grey Wolf

Comment #86804

Posted by Roland Anderson on March 16, 2006 8:07 AM (e)

Somehow I ended up transporting the whole thing back to the 1940s…

Judge Jones: Sydney Greenstreet
Rothschild: Humphrey Bogart
Forrest: Ingrid Bergman
Behe: Peter Lorre
Matzke: Dooley Wilson (Play it, Sam!)

Comment #86807

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 8:19 AM (e)

Heh. I had thought about Peter Lorre. “Reeek…you don’t beeleeeve I came from a monkeey, do you Reek?”

Comment #86756

Posted by Mark Perakh on March 16, 2006 02:34 AM (e)

While it is always risky to predict future events, the past experience seems to portend a movie that will have little resemblance to what actually happened in Kitzmiller case.

Especially if I’m allowed to cast it. Samuel L Jackson as Eric Rothschild? Screaming MF this, MF that, Behe crying and trying to hide behind judge jones?

Comment #86809

Posted by Patrick Hagerty on March 16, 2006 8:25 AM (e)

Nick Matzke wrote:

Everyone has already decided that Tom Hanks should play Judge Jones…

I vote for that! I think he’d make a good Judge Jones. (But then I think Hanks is a great actor and would make a good anything-he-decided-to-play.)

Comment #86815

Posted by Keith Douglas on March 16, 2006 8:52 AM (e)

My, isn’t this an odd turn of events. I too am worried that this will do more harm than good. Mind you, I (embarassingly) have never seen Inherit the Wind so I don’t know what has to be lived up to.

Comment #86819

Posted by science nut on March 16, 2006 9:14 AM (e)

Latest Patwah: Do not go to see this film or God will turn his back on you.

And for comic relief…how can they work Mike Argento into the film?

Comment #86823

Posted by shiva on March 16, 2006 9:23 AM (e)

The guy who played Mola Ram in the Temple of Doom - Amrish Puri - passed away two years ago.

Comment #86824

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 9:31 AM (e)

Dammit. Okay, we’ll have to go with the Adam Sandler suggestion.

Behe: Nobody can explain how the immune system could evolve.
Rothschild: How about these dozens of books and papers?
Behe: Well FLIPPIDYDOOOOOO!

Comment #86825

Posted by wamba on March 16, 2006 9:39 AM (e)

Every Hollywood insider knows the surest path to an Oscar is to play a handicapped person or a hooker. I predict a long and distinguished queue of seasoned actors begging to play the role of Bill Buckingham.

Comment #86826

Posted by Paul Callahan on March 16, 2006 9:40 AM (e)

I’ve wanted to see Wallace Shawn play Michael Behe for a while now. Shawn is nine years older than Behe and I’m not sure if the heights match, but I think there’s enough resemblance to work with.

Shawn: http://images.zap2it.com/20041026/25_theincredibles.jpg
Behe: http://www.answersingenesis.org/images/Behe1.jpg

All Shawn would need for the part is to reprise Vizzini from The Princess Bride.

“It would take billions of bacteria to ever evolve a new disulfide bond. It’s inconceivable.”

“Ever heard of Darwin, Gould, Dawkins? Morons!”

Comment #86827

Posted by wamba on March 16, 2006 9:43 AM (e)

Folks, we’re living in the CGI era. We are no longer constrained by which actors are still alive. Spencer Tracy could play the Eric Rothschild role.

Comment #86828

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 9:48 AM (e)

““It would take billions of bacteria to ever evolve a new disulfide bond. It’s inconceivable.””

LOL

Comment #86830

Posted by PaulC on March 16, 2006 9:55 AM (e)

There’s got to be a fit for Chris Cooper somewhere here.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0177933/

He played the dad in October Sky and the neighbor’s scary dad in American Beauty.

For some reason he popped into my mind when I was thinking about Dembski (maybe Dembski’s serial killer glare), but that would be a stretch. Cooper could definitely do somebody on the creationist side, though, most likely one of those confused folks who habitually forgets that you’re not supposed to keep declaring your faith in Jesus when explaining why you want to get ID in the schools.

Comment #86832

Posted by Space_Monkey on March 16, 2006 10:06 AM (e)

Well, casting choices aside, I’m not sure that this kind of movie will be a good thing for our side of the culture fight. Why? Because if the director chooses to “teach the controversy”, portraying ID as legitimate in any way, then the public will see ID as legit and come away thinking that there is a controvesry. It’s like media coverage of global warming - most pieces say that there is a controversy about its existence and cause, when the reality is that the vast majority of real research concludes that it is happening and that it has human causes. The result is that the public remains ignorant.

Comment #86839

Posted by wamba on March 16, 2006 10:46 AM (e)

We all know that by the time Hollywood gets done with it, the actual factual historical story will be unrecognizable. So, let’s throw caution to the wind and make it an Action blowout!

Ahnold as Judge Jones.
Bruce Willis as Behe.
Vin Diesel as Eric Rothschild.
Lucy Lawless as Barbara Forrest.
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Tammy Kitzmiller.
An over-the-hill Stallone as Richard Thompson.
Tim Curry as Dembski.
We’ll have to find a way to work in Lucy Liu.

Comment #86840

Posted by Hamumu on March 16, 2006 11:22 AM (e)

“Irreducible complexity.”

“You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.”

Comment #86843

Posted by guthrie on March 16, 2006 11:40 AM (e)

Surely you could play it as a spoof.
So when Behe dismisses the papers on flagella, he gets buried under mounds of paper.

Comment #86845

Posted by fred on March 16, 2006 11:55 AM (e)

I nominate Jason Bateman (Arrested Development) as one of the plaintiffs’ attorneys.

Just because he played a lawyer in a high school play, he thinks he’s an attorney.

You’re a crook, Captain Hook;
Judge, won’t you throw the book
at this piiiiii-rate!

Comment #86847

Posted by Dean Morrison on March 16, 2006 12:05 PM (e)

Here is a great article written a couple of months ago speculating on how such a movie would turn out - it also give a readable summary of what happened at the trial:

“Monkey Trial Take Two” (from ‘The Valley News’)

Since all the ‘bad guys’ in American Movies are played by Englishmen can I nominate the Monty Python Crew for the School Board?

Comment #86849

Posted by PaulC on March 16, 2006 12:07 PM (e)

Tim Curry as Dembski.

It might work, though age could be a factor. Another choice that came to mind is Willem Dafoe. There’s no direct resemblance, but he has the right sepulchral quality.

It’s a lot less fun to cast the good guys I have to admit. If Johnny Depp is in it, I want him on our side.

Comment #86851

Posted by Frank J on March 16, 2006 12:16 PM (e)

The guy who played Marmalard in “Animal House” would make a great Dembski. Sadly, we recently lost John Vernon, who played Dean Wormer. He’d have been a great Phillip Johnson.

The DI really didn’t want to defend Dover since they promoted the old scam, not the designer-free new one. So picture this scene:

Johnson, realizing that the DI could not afford to be silent, calls Dembski to his office: “Bill, what’s the worst theory in the universe?” As Dembski tries to weasel out of an answer, Johnson, holding up a copy of “Darwin on Trial” interrupts: ”Cut the [expletive deleted], I have its file right here.” After outlining the defense plan, he says “Put Behe on it, he’s a sneaky little [expletive deleted] just like you.”

Comment #86853

Posted by wamba on March 16, 2006 12:33 PM (e)

We could get a bonobo to play Alan Bonsell.

Comment #86865

Posted by Bruce Thompson GQ on March 16, 2006 1:17 PM (e)

Jack Krebs revels: Professor Steve Steve will play himself, of course.

Who’s his agent? The 10% has to be worth something, or will it be paid in bamboo? If so, I’d negotiate for the really expensive imported stuff. I’d also make sure he has his own air conditioned trailer decorated in bamboo with its own keg.

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

Dembski (“the aptly named Sir Not Appearing In This Film”)

I still can’t stop laughing.

Comment #86876

Posted by ag on March 16, 2006 2:01 PM (e)

Since Dembski did not appear in the trial, he is not supposed to appear in the movie, or is he? If yes, then the best actor would be Jay Leno - the chin is already there, so a minimal make-up would be needed; then Dembski’s great discoveries make him a successful comedian anyway.

Comment #86880

Posted by Steviepinhead on March 16, 2006 2:16 PM (e)

steve s:

John West: Doug Bradley (pinhead from the Hellraiser movies)

Yo, kindly watch the avatar-treading!

wamba:

We’ll have to find a way to work in Lucy Liu.

Prof. Steve Steve definitely needs an all-around minder: research assistant, communications concierge, and general limousine-door opener. The kind of role requiring a sharp, not-quite-uniform black-and-white ensemble.

I’m kinda thinking Maria Bello (A History of Violence) for Barbara Forrest and David Carradine (need I say more?) as Dembski–and Dembski’s definitely part of the “back-story.”

Comment #86881

Posted by shenda on March 16, 2006 2:20 PM (e)

Space_Monkey wrote:

“Well, casting choices aside, I’m not sure that this kind of movie will be a good thing for our side of the culture fight. Why? Because if the director chooses to “teach the controversy”, portraying ID as legitimate in any way, then the public will see ID as legit and come away thinking that there is a controvesry. It’s like media coverage of global warming - most pieces say that there is a controversy about its existence and cause, when the reality is that the vast majority of real research concludes that it is happening and that it has human causes. The result is that the public remains ignorant.”

Agreed. It could also be spun into a propaganda piece showing how Christians are being persecuted by the evil ACLU and their fellow travelers.

Comment #86882

Posted by k.e. on March 16, 2006 2:26 PM (e)

Of course you are missing the 2 most important players
Jack Nicholson for God (or Carol Clouser she know him quite well …no not Nicholson god))
Morgan Freeman for the devil.

Scene at a seedy motel in Dover where they are watching Behe talking about Tarot Cards and mind reading.

God and the devil are sitting in their underwear drinking beer and having a pizza cheering on their contenders.

The Devils face lights up as Rothchild beats Behe to the punch with the lines
Behe: “I began to think wouldn’t it be nice to be able to….”
Rothchild: “read gods mind”
Behe: “Huh?”
Rothchild: “You thought ‘wouldn’t it be nice to be able to read gods mind’”
God: “Hey that’s not fair”
The Devil: “Don’t look at me I didn’t do it”
Jones: “Don’t forget to include me”
God: “Do that once more and I’ll land one right on your nose”
The Devil:”I’m telling you, its not me”
Behe “uh yeah that’s right …..read gods mind”

Fight breaks out in motel room.

Comment #86885

Posted by Lenny's Pizza Guy on March 16, 2006 2:40 PM (e)

FWIW, I really did deliver pizza to a motel room once where Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman were sitting around drinking.

But they had their clothes on (the air conditioning at The Radisson was working fine).

And they weren’t drinking beer (looked like Black Jack to me…but I didn’t perform a sampling).

And they weren’t watching a trial. They were watching boxing on the tube.

But, still, ke, that was scary close…!

The key thing here is going to be how they word this in the credits. Is the movie going to be taken “from” a true story, “based” on a true story, or merely “inspired by” a story that we sure wish had happened, once upon a time? You gotta watch out for those who are inspired.

Comment #86888

Posted by AD on March 16, 2006 2:42 PM (e)

David Carradine (need I say more?) as Dembski—and Dembski’s definitely part of the “back-story.”

You know… Lucy Liu. David Carradine. We could just round up the whole cast from Kill Bill and wedge them in…

Comment #86890

Posted by Mr Christopher on March 16, 2006 2:47 PM (e)

I just read from an article

Our aspiration is to make a film that powerful…We have a highly emotional case that divided a town right down the middle, and a judge whose summary was spectacular.”

If the movie depicts Jones’ “spectacular” ruling (it of course was spectacular) I think its safe to assume it will give at least a reasonably honest portrayal of the subject.

I think Dembski should be played by Beavis - “ID is science…Huh huh huh…Cool…”

Comment #86892

Posted by wamba on March 16, 2006 2:50 PM (e)

We could just round up the whole cast from Kill Bill and wedge them in…

Yes, Grasshopper.

Comment #86893

Posted by Matt Young on March 16, 2006 2:50 PM (e)

May I suggest an opera?

Jones - Placido Domingo

Buckingham - Samuel Ramey

Kitzmiller - Deborah Voigt

Forrest - Renee Fleming

Justice - Andrea Bocelli

Composer - John Corigliano

Metropolitan Opera Orchestra and Chorus under the direction of James Levine (as soon as his shoulder heals).

Comment #86897

Posted by wamba on March 16, 2006 2:52 PM (e)

Cast? This movie needs a title! How about: Inherit the $1M legal fees ?

Comment #86902

Posted by k.e. on March 16, 2006 2:58 PM (e)

Nice one Matt
Suggested Titles
“Love and death in Dover” no too frivolous
perhaps “The DIng Cycle” suitability long and tedious
“The Monkey King” hmmm

Opening scene Monkey dressed as a lawyer sings he was not descended from monkeys..

Comment #86905

Posted by Bruce Thompson GQ on March 16, 2006 3:08 PM (e)

Steviepinhead suggests that “Prof. Steve Steve definitely needs an all-around minder: research assistant, communications concierge, and general limousine-door opener.”

If the other members of the fraternity are amenable, I think Delta Pi Gamma could fill this role. This would allow us to:
1. Skip classes for several weeks (pledges would take notes).
2. Hang out with movie star babes.
3. Eat free food from the catering services.
4. Perhaps pickup parts as extras in the movie.
5. Help Professor Steve Steve drink his free beer.

It could be sold to the faculty as a research trip to better understand the trial by experiencing firsthand the interactions that must have taken place in Penn.

Gentlemen?

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

Comment #86909

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 3:17 PM (e)

…David Carradine (need I say more?) as Dembski—and Dembski’s definitely part of the “back-story.”

That’s appropriate, because in the end, Judge Jones gave them all the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

Comment #86922

Posted by J Max on March 16, 2006 4:10 PM (e)

“Irreducible complexity.”

“You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.”

ROFL

Comment #86948

Posted by J. Early on March 16, 2006 6:56 PM (e)

A historically accurate movie about the Kitzmiller case would be very dull – just as the play Inherit the Wind would have been very dull if it had been historically accurate about the Scopes trial. Also, a historically accurate movie about the Kitzmiller case would just be seen as politically correct propaganda for Darwinism.

I would like to see the movie portray Judge Jones and lead plaintiffs‘ attorney Rothschild as villains. Here are some possibilities –

Rothschild saying, “I have an idea – let‘s drive up the potential attorney fees award by assigning an excessive number of attorneys to the case.“

Judge Jones could conspire to steal the privileged attorney-client message that the board received from its solicitor – this is the message that he used against the board in his written opinion.

There were several instances where Judge Jones strained at gnats and swallowed camels – any of these instances could be played up in the movie. Especially questionable was his rejection of the Pandas book publisher‘s motion to be admitted to the case as an intervenor.

Comment #86951

Posted by Gordon on March 16, 2006 7:05 PM (e)

I recall Lenny Flank’s eloquent role as the founder of the DebunkCreation group that donated 23 science books to the Dover Senior High School Library. Will that be a pivotal background part in the role of this movie?

I can see pizza commercial promotions (such as Pizza Hut, Domino’s) to sponsor this movie. Imagine a scene with Lenny behind his PC typing a response to Mrs. Shelia Harkins about the donated books his group sent to the Dover School Library (the voice of William Shatner reading his response as he types) and ordering pizza. The pizza delivery boy shows up with his Disco Institute pizza supreme loaded with evolutionary Irreducible complexity pepperoni and drowning that with Beer. Oh, The Heineken Beer commercials for this movie comes into play. Scene One Act attempt Beer drinking for the absurdity of Intelligent Drinking! Hic!

Comment #86959

Posted by Lenny's Pizza Guy on March 16, 2006 7:27 PM (e)

Good idea: a pivotal role for pizza delivery. I’m sure the midnight oil-burning of our heroic trial teams were fueled by high-quality pizza calories, delivered hot and on-time.

Not-so-good idea: corporate chain pizza parlors. First, I don’t work for outfits like that because, second, they make crappy pizza and, third, if you’ll look into the antics of their founders, you’ll find them as unsupportive of good science as they are of quality nutrition.

Comment #86961

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 7:29 PM (e)

Too bad Chris Farley is dead.

Hi everybody I’ve been down in the basement poppin pills all day. Lemme tell you a little about myself. I’m Bill Buckingham and I Live In a VAN, DOWN BY THE RIVER. WHOSE GONNA STAND UP FOR JESUS?!?!?!?

(passes out, falls through podium)

Comment #86962

Posted by 'Rev Dr' Lenny Flank on March 16, 2006 7:29 PM (e)

Hey, lookie — Larry has a new name. Again.

Comment #86963

Posted by 'Rev Dr' Lenny Flank on March 16, 2006 7:33 PM (e)

I recall Lenny Flank’s eloquent role as the founder of the DebunkCreation group that donated 23 science books to the Dover Senior High School Library. Will that be a pivotal background part in the role of this movie?

I want to play myself. And I want Jessica Alba to play my wife.

Of course, in real life, I’m not married. But I think we can take artistic license and bring in Ms Alba to, ya know, improve the drama. :)

Comment #86965

Posted by Steviepinhead on March 16, 2006 7:35 PM (e)

Predictably, perhaps, Larry/Andy’s latest sex, er, name change celebrates his Civil War-battle-flag, “Lost Cause” fetish:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jubal_Anderson_Early.

You’re not even amusing anymore, Larry. What are we going to get next, Meteorite-Denial Guy?

Comment #86972

Posted by Lenny's Pizza Guy on March 16, 2006 7:51 PM (e)

And, as long as we’re working Lenny into the plot, I want my pivotal role to be played by Leonardo Dicaprio.

Not that I’m vain or anything (hey, his plane barely flew; my kayak barely floated–what’s the diff?).

And my girlfriend, who I didn’t actually have at the time, but am still working real hard on hooking up with, can be played by Scarlett Johansen.

Heck, it’s okay with me if they write it so that I blow my only chance to become, um, better acquainted with Scarlett because I’m (er, I mean, Lenny, that is, I mean Leonardo) on my, that is, his way to make an all-important pizza delivery. Just so I get to visit the set and meet her!

Ah, dang, this gets confusing–how does that Larry/Andy/Jubal Early guy keep it all straight?

Maybe I should just play myself, after all, even if I don’t have the box-office draw of Leonardo (did his parents really name him after a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?). That way, it would at least be the real me getting rejected by Scarlett Johansen.

Comment #86984

Posted by the pro from dover on March 16, 2006 8:25 PM (e)

I think the head honcho of Domino’s pizza would rather have his daughter take a plan B tablet than in any way shape or form do anything to give the tiniest suggestion that in the remotest way he would support materialistic science education in the USA. This man is Rushdooney Junior who hides in the bulrushes while spending his billions on sabotaging our secular government. If Lenny’s Pizza Delivery boy worked for this living threat even for the big bucks he pays then Lenny deserves to be played by Barney in the upcoming movie. (INHERIT THE sWINDle?). By the way what ever happened to that Guiness evolution commercial that was so cool? Has it played anywhere in the USA or is it too controversial? Brilliant!!!.

Comment #86995

Posted by Bruce Thompson GQ on March 16, 2006 8:51 PM (e)

To be fair since the Rev Dr Lenny Flank, Lenny’s Pizza Guy, Gary Hurd, and steve s have all expressed an interest in playing roles in the film it seems only fair to expand the list and include ID supporters. Lets see, there’s…..

There are lots of bit parts that will need actors and who is better qualified than those who are most familiar with the issues? Who would bring more passion to these small roles than those who have argued over these issues, individuals from both sides of the aisle. People from both sides would bring a level of enthusiasm to the set that not seen on many movies. I think the directors would be amazed how helpful these groups could be in bringing a sense of realism to the movie. Of course there will be a few bumps. There will always be someone trying to rewrite everyone’s lines or trying to ban people from the set. Others would try to derail the script into obscure discussions or someone would be constantly showing up for scenes trying to play others roles. But all in all it could be a very positive experience.

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

Comment #86997

Posted by Steviepinhead on March 16, 2006 8:57 PM (e)

So, way in the back of the crowd outside the courthouse, passionately waving the Confederate battle-flag, we’d have Larry, until Andy grabbed it from him, until J. Early yanked it from Andy’s grasp, at which point Lenny would yell, “Shut up, Larry!” and then they’d all get poofed to The Bathroom Wall in a wizardly display of CGI?

Cut!

Comment #86998

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 9:13 PM (e)

To be fair since the Rev Dr Lenny Flank, Lenny’s Pizza Guy, Gary Hurd, and steve s have all expressed an interest in playing roles in the film it seems only fair to expand the list and include ID supporters. Lets see, there’s…..

I’ll sit in the gallery in court and loudly suppress snickers every time Behe says anything.

Comment #86999

Posted by steve s on March 16, 2006 9:17 PM (e)

And occasionally I’ll cup my hands around my mouth and yell, “YOU SUCK”

Comment #87012

Posted by Justin Olson on March 16, 2006 9:55 PM (e)

Hopefully they can get Milos Forman to direct.

Comment #87028

Posted by Torbjorn Larsson on March 16, 2006 11:39 PM (e)

“Billy Redden ought to play Dembski. He was the guy with the banjo in “Deliverance”.”

No, in the Dover case I think Dembski should pay the piper, while Behe is a fiddler.

“Sarah Michelle Gellar as Tammy Kitzmiller.”

Too tame. I vote for Jessica Alba, she kicks ass.

Comment #87044

Posted by GvlGeologist, FCD on March 17, 2006 12:58 AM (e)

OK, I gotta wonder about J. Early - is it really Larrandy or is it a spoof? Could he really be that obvious? I’m thinking it’s someone else channelling L. Farfromreality.

As someone else said, it really is hard to tell when the other side is being spoofed.

And with that, good night and have a great St. Patty’s day!

Comment #87046

Posted by Torbjorn Larsson on March 17, 2006 1:14 AM (e)

“Judge Jones strained at gnats and swallowed camels”

Is that what ID makes us do? Seems ardous and dangerous.

Anyway, objections to the ruling should be made at a retrial, which the ID side didn’t want. Now it’s too late, thank crud!

Comment #87093

Posted by J. Early on March 17, 2006 5:24 AM (e)

Comment #87046 posted by Torbjorn Larsson on March 17, 2006 01:14 AM

“Judge Jones strained at gnats and swallowed camels“

Is that what ID makes us do? Seems ardous and dangerous.

No – that‘s what Darwinism makes us do.

Anyway, objections to the ruling should be made at a retrial, which the ID side didn’t want.

By “retrial,“ I presume that you mean “appeal“ (they are not the same). The original Dover school board members could not appeal because they were voted off the board and were replaced by anti-ID members.

Comment #87105

Posted by Renier on March 17, 2006 6:18 AM (e)

Go away Larry. You are really boring.

Comment #87107

Posted by Fernmonkey on March 17, 2006 6:21 AM (e)

I think that Jeremy Irons should play Bill Buckingham.

Lousy casting, but there has to be an English villain.

Comment #87126

Posted by Stephen Elliott on March 17, 2006 7:38 AM (e)

Everyone has already decided that Tom Hanks should play Judge Jones…

I would prefer Anthony Hopkins in that role.

Comment #87148

Posted by Lou FCD on March 17, 2006 8:55 AM (e)

I’m chuckling at the thought of R. Lee Ermey yelling “breathtaking inanity… Maggots!”

Comment #87150

Posted by wamba on March 17, 2006 9:02 AM (e)

Prof. Steve Steve may be busy with civil rights activism in Singapore, where they apparently don’t enjoy the same freedom to arm bears. I think he can still do his parts for the movie, but it will take judicious scheduling.

Comment #87162

Posted by KC on March 17, 2006 9:48 AM (e)

The guy that plays Sloane on “Alias”, Ron Rifkin, resembles Behe.

Comment #87163

Posted by Moses on March 17, 2006 9:49 AM (e)

Both John Travolta and Tom Cruise need to have roles on the ID side. I’m not sure who’d they be, but since they both have horribly limited ranges and are well into the lunatic fringe, they’d be perfect.

Comment #87165

Posted by Corkscrew on March 17, 2006 9:55 AM (e)

OK, I gotta wonder about J. Early - is it really Larrandy or is it a spoof? Could he really be that obvious? I’m thinking it’s someone else channelling L. Farfromreality.

“Judge Jones strained at gnats and swallowed camels“

Is that what ID makes us do? Seems ardous and dangerous.

No — that‘s what Darwinism makes us do.

Anyway, objections to the ruling should be made at a retrial, which the ID side didn’t want.

By “retrial,“ I presume that you mean “appeal“ (they are not the same). The original Dover school board members could not appeal because they were voted off the board and were replaced by anti-ID members.

I believe that this adequately settles the question.

Comment #87193

Posted by k.e. on March 17, 2006 11:03 AM (e)

J. Early the Ghost of confederacies/fascist regimes past, blurts a Lawrence Fafarman-ism.

Larry if mankind’s collective wisdom is too much for you, consider the Jesus solution.

With regard to charity Jesus said “let not the left hand know what the right hand is doing” a subtle take on his Kaiser’s Penny, it applies in your case to the unswallowable, the embarrassing case of being caught out by your own ridiculous pride.

jeez Larry you are such a twit.

Comment #87221

Posted by k.e. on March 17, 2006 12:12 PM (e)

OK Larry I know that was TOO cute for you to absorb.
The point is THIS.
You think the ToE is irrational right? OK !
The only thing that makes sense to you is godditit right ?
OK !
Your Mother is to blame here, sorry for that bad news, mommy’s hairy helper actually did what you wanted to do but …well its too late now, you’re doomed to camels. Freud said the best thing to do to get even, was to kill her… or was that he thought… that was… what you thought you wanted to do or the hairy helper?

Anyway on the rational vs irrational thingy.
The best ting to do is to concede that irrational Darwinism (part of your ego) is something you have no control over and not let the rational biblical liberalism (side of your ego) beat yourself up, your NAME (ego) can do itself some real damage if you let that happen. Such as changing it so often you don’t know who you are.
Oedipus is not a myth, he types at a keyboard in LA and decorates his bedroom with confederate flags.

Comment #87243

Posted by Gary Hurd on March 17, 2006 1:07 PM (e)

Well, this is shaping up quite well. One major gap in casting is the part of Nick Matzke, and his secret overlord Genie. Wes can play himself confronted with ??? (who was that YEC clown at the courthouse steps?).

I am sure that Nic is alread deeply involved with negociations. ;-)

Comment #87260

Posted by eTourist on March 17, 2006 1:57 PM (e)

Behe’s courtroom heckler should be played by that guy at every green at every golf tournament shouting “Get in the hole!”

Comment #87325

Posted by GvlGeologist, FCD on March 17, 2006 5:55 PM (e)

Corkscrew said:
“I believe that this adequately settles the question.”

I gotta agree. Larrandy Farfromentertaining has really become a parody of himself. Can we possibly ignore him and have him go away?

Comment #87354

Posted by wamba on March 17, 2006 7:28 PM (e)

I gotta agree. Larrandy Farfromentertaining has really become a parody of himself. Can we possibly ignore him and have him go away?

He’ll just come back again under a different name, like Creationism/Creation Science/ Intelligent Design/Teach the Controversy/Methodological Naturalism is too limiting.

Comment #87366

Posted by DJ on March 17, 2006 8:14 PM (e)

I want Rob Reiner to do it as a mockumentary of the Dover School Board a la This Is Spinal Tap. I want to see the Thomas More Law Center strategy sessions, I want to see Trolls drawing up the Wedge Strategy, I want to see Behe’s Moonie Wedding, I want to see Bill Dembski in a small dark room with one swinging lightbulb sitting over his laptop furiously deleting comment after comment on his blog…

Besides, if it’s not a comedy it will be a tragedy.

Comment #87415

Posted by Torbjorn Larsson on March 17, 2006 10:36 PM (e)

#By “retrial,“ I presume that you mean “appeal“ (they are not the same).”

Since the other bloggers implies you are a troll which change names and they furthermore put your argument up where it belongs, I will merely say that I’m not a native english speaker so you presumed correctly.

I know this is awful if you are a troll, since in that case your mode of action is to be terribly wrong all the time. A tip is that if you don’t post, you will not take the very low risk to be right because it will hurt you considerably.

Comment #87905

Posted by Raging Bee on March 20, 2006 4:07 PM (e)

Wow, this whole post was a joke, and Larry Farfromaman couldn’t even get into the spirit of the joke. It sure ain’t pretty when a guy who was never smart enough to have a sense of humor starts going senile…

Comment #96301

Posted by Bakbook Yahyin on April 13, 2006 8:50 AM (e)

Remembering a one time great looking young (then in the 1960’s) actress named Mitzi Gaynor. She co-starred in ‘South Pacific’ with Ezio Pinza (who is no doubt long dead.) Was wondering whatever happened to her?
Also whatever happened to Bruce Dern? BBY

Comment #106124

Posted by Mike Flacklestein on June 16, 2006 3:39 PM (e)

I live at 31407 Commonwealth in Seattle. Been up here before?